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By Dawn Stewart, Bsc, MPA, PHD
We must take action for victims and survivors of domestic abuse in addition, to the prevention of
Dr Dawn Stewart
abuse in our communities! We can end the cycle of violence!! We must end the cycle of violence!!!
The darkness of abuse that hovers over the women, girls and children of Guyana is implausible.? The question is, do we as a nation understand the culture of abuse and if so, are we prepared to stop the circle of violence?
I was driven to write this narrative by many factors, I sat back and read the newspapers, coached, counseled, interviewed and worked with abuse in various areas in Guyana, but nothing has made me angrier than the abuse dealt on the 16-year-old female, who it has been alleged was caught in a compromising position with a male worker.
I truly believe after my visit to this young lady that every woman, every mother, every sister, every brother, every father should be angry.? Angry about the treatment, disrespect, and abuse that our women often experience in silence.?? Until we are angry enough to stop the cycle of violence we will see more of our daughters suffering the fate of so many women we read about in the news and the others we never see or hear from.? Today it?s them ? the other family, but remember tomorrow it could be you or your family!!!
I had an opportunity to read some blogs on this particular story in the news and to my surprise and disgust, many persons mainly women sought to blame the victim for the horrific abuse she received at the hands of her alleged lover.? For this I am compelled to attempt to educate my sisters and brothers on abuse.
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WHY DO PEOPLE STAY IN VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS?
Although there is a myth that people, especially women, stay indefinitely in abusive relationships, the truth is that most people do eventually leave. Leaving is a process, though, and for some people it involves going back to the abusive partner and then leaving again. There are many reasons why people stay in an abusive relationship for a while, a few include:
??? ?They fear the abuser, who may have threatened to kill them, or someone they love if they leave.
??? ?The abuser has succeeded in isolating them, personally and economically, to the point that they feel they have nowhere to go.
??? ?Their partner has succeeded in systematically dismantling their self-esteem so that they feel they are at fault or deserve the abuse and do not have the right to leave.
Myth or Fact
Persons who are abused look for abuse, they like it, abusers are usually totally strangers, in many cases alcohol/drugs does play a role in abuse.
Cycle of violence
They are usually four phases of abuse:
1.?? ?Tension Building (tension increases, Breakdown of communication, victim becomes fearful and feels the need to placate the abuser)
2.?? ?Incident (verbal, emotional, physical abuse, anger, blaming, arguing, threats and Intimidation)
3.?? ?Reconciliation (Abuser apologies, give excuses, blames the victim, denies abuse occurred, or says it wasn?t as bad as the victim claims.
4.?? ?Calm (Incident is ?forgotten?, no abuse is taking place. The ?Honeymoon? Phase.
Steps in abuse
Abuse ? The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behaviour. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim ?who is boss.?
Guilt ? After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he?s done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences.
Rationalization or excuses ? The abuser rationalizes what he?s done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior?anything to shift responsibility from himself.
?Normal? behaviour ? The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning ? The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she?s done wrong and how he?ll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up ? The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.
SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings?Your Partner?s Belittling Behavior
Do you:
Feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
Feel that you can?t do anything right for your partner?
Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
Wonder if you?re the one who is crazy?
Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does your partner:
Humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
Treat you so badly that you?re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
Ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
Blame you for his own abusive behaviour?
See you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner?s Violent Behaviour or Threats?Your Partner?s Controlling Behaviour
Does your partner:
Have a bad and unpredictable temper?
Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
Threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
Force you to have sex?
Destroy your belongings?
Does your partner:
Act excessively jealous and possessive?
Control where you go or what you do?
Keep you from seeing your friends or family?
Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
Constantly check up on you?
Types of domestic violence and abuse
There are different types of domestic abuse, including emotional, physical, sexual, and economic abuse. Many abusers behave in ways that include more than one type of domestic abuse, and the boundaries between some of these behaviors may overlap.
Emotional or psychological abuse
Emotional or psychological abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Its aim is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you?re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing. Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Additionally, abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence.
You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse?sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.
Physical abuse
When people talk about domestic violence, they are often referring to the physical abuse of a spouse or intimate partner. Physical abuse is the use of physical force against someone in a way that injures or endangers that person. There?s a broad range of behaviors that come under the heading of physical abuse, including hitting, grabbing, choking, throwing things, and assault with a weapon.
Physical assault or battering is a crime, whether it occurs inside or outside of the family. The police have the power and authority to protect you from physical attack.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the US National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners at least once during their relationship.? Remember any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is sexual abuse. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and violence. Furthermore, women whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.
Economic or financial abuse
Remember, an abuser?s goal is to control you, and he will frequently hurt you to do that. In addition to hurting you emotionally and physically, an abusive partner may also hurt you in the purse. Economic of financial abuse includes:
* Controlling the finances.
* Withholding money or credit cards.
* Giving you an allowance.
* Making you account for every penny you spend.
* Stealing from you or taking your money.
* Exploiting your assets for personal gain.
* Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
* Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
* Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly)
Domestic violence has warning signs so take precautions
Call the police; Human services hotline and or supporting NGO?S in your community if you suspect a case of domestic violence.
It?s impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse. If you witness a number of warning signs in a friend, family member, or co-worker, you can reasonably suspect domestic abuse.
* Frequent injuries, with the excuse of ?accidents?
* Frequent and sudden absences from work or school
* Frequent, harassing phone calls from the partner
* Fear of the partner, references to the partner?s anger
* Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)
* Excessive fear of conflict
* Submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness
* Isolation from friends and family
* Insufficient resources to live (money, credit cards, car)
* Depression, crying, low self-esteem
Reporting suspected domestic abuse is important. If you?re afraid of getting involved, remember that the report should be confidential and everything possible should be done to protect your privacy. You should not have to give your name, and your suspicions should be investigated before anyone is taken into custody. Most important, you can protect the victim from further harm by calling for help.
We must demand and make our police force and others agencies responsible for our safety accountable.? In the same vein we must assist the relevant authorities with the investigation and be our sisters? keepers. Lastly we must advocate and lobby our parliamentarians
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The European Commission has opened a call for eco-innovation projects for businesses and entrepreneurs from across Europe to help bring novel environmental projects to the market. The ?34.8 million funding will support eco-innovative products, techniques, services and processes that aim to prevent or reduce environmental impacts, or which contribute to the optimal use of resources. The five main priority areas for this year include: materials recycling, water, sustainable building products, green business and the food and drink sector. Around 50 projects will be selected for funding and interested parties can apply until? 6 September 2012.
Janez Poto?nik, European Commissioner for the Environment, highlighted that this programme ?shows? how businesses can help our economies to grow in an environmentally sustainable way, once they have the right support.? There are already nearly 200 projects being set up or underway from past funding calls and include schemes such as converting old discarded TVs into tiles, new waste sorting mechanisms, innovative eco- packaging for milk, and a new technique for recycling textiles.
Link: EC press release
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What we have here for you today is an excellent introduction to gutter cleaning brisbane, and then you will be in a position to build on it. Millions of folks all over the place have felt the way you do, right now. It is always your call as to whether or not to gain outside help with some things. Remember though, that you have to take everything into consideration and go with what works best for you. Nevertheless, you are about to read and learn more, and then you can explore those points and strategies that apply to your situation the most. We wish you well in your journey of discovery, and that is really what this is in many ways. Window replacement can be one of the smartest investments you can make when it comes to improving the value and energy efficiency of your home. What other home improvement project can make your home look great, feel warmer and also make it more energy efficient all at the same time? There?s also no better way to brighten and modernize all the rooms of your house. Below are some of the main considerations to remember before embarking on your replacement window project. Quite often when people think about replacing their windows, all they really need to do is to replace the glass. The amount of work, in addition to the overall cost of the job, will be drastically reduced if the glass is all that needs to be replaced. It is a relatively simple job when all that is needed is to change out the glass. Upgrading your windows can become more costly, when you choose argon filled glass, or energy-efficient glass with triple pane. When you decide to replace your windows, you will want to do the job right, so if the frames are not in good shape, you should replace those as well as the glass. Talk about only seeing the tip of the iceberg; but that is what we have presented so far about gutter cleaning brisbane ? there is so much out there. When you are feeling a little more comfortable with this information, then you simply must continue your education. When you begin to see, we tend to feel you will not only have a greater appreciation for what is going on, but you will be able to use that as leverage. When it all begins to gel for you, then you will be able to rise above to some degree thanks to added knowledge. Your efforts to discover more on this subject will eventually prove to be liberating for you. There are a number of windows that are energy efficient and will qualify you for a tax credit. Not only will you be reaping the rewards of these windows by saving energy, but also getting an additional savings by taking the tax credit as well. The Energy Star program sanctions windows here in the U.S. To take this efficiency a step further, you are also allowed tax credits for other home improvements like changing to energy efficient doors and insulating your home. This should benefit your wallet when it comes to your taxes and your monthly utility expenses too. Finding the best windows, for the best price, is what you must do if you want to do the job yourself. You should make a few trips to local home improvement centers and find out if there are any specials going on right now. There are many places for finding the right price, even looking online, or through local publications. One of the main reasons to hire the job out to professionals is that they can get better prices, and they are better able to compare products. There is always a fine line between having the quality that you want in your windows, and finding a low enough price that you can afford. Replacing the windows in your home with high quality, energy-efficient windows will improve the looks, improve the temperature comfort level, and also increase the value of the property. The most important thing about a window replacement project, is to have the right person doing the job. A window replacement job can be way more difficult than it looks, so spend a lot of time thinking it over, before you decide to do it yourself. As it relates to this particular area of concern, what are your feelings after getting this far? Naturally, in order to help your self you have to search for, find and study the facts. This is definitely not where your progress ends, though, and therefore continue your quest to know more about brisbane gutter cleaning. But do not rush into anything especially when it comes to moving forward on the data you find. Articles, as you can rightly guess, are never enough space to include all the pertinent facts or even other helpful methods, tips, etc. There is much more even if you take just one method or strategy and explore it to the fullest.
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Home Security & Your Kids
By:?Anne Ellis?
As a mother, there is no doubt that the most important thing to you is the safety and comfort of your children. Of course, there are endless things to worry about as a parent, but above all else you want to make sure that no harm ever comes anywhere near your kids. There are, fortunately, plenty of ways to take steps toward achieving this protective goal ? and one of them is to make sure that your home is as secure as possible.
Home security is a relatively basic concept, but it is not one to be overlooked when the right home security features can make all the difference in keeping your home safe and comfortable for your family. Ultimately, you should have two main goals as a parent, concerning home security: first, to be sure that your home security system is as capable as possible, and second, to teach your children some of the basics of home safety.
There are plenty of steps that you can take to ensure that your home security system is top notch and fully functional. You should probably begin by consulting your local home security professionals, who can help you to analyze your individual property to figure out which features you need the most.
Next, you can customize your system to best suit your needs and the needs of your family. This may involve any number of security features, from house alarms and motion detectors, to laser trip wires and security cameras ? trust your security professional, and remember that it?s better to over-do it a bit with regard to security.
Teaching your children about some of the practical basics of home safety can be a bit tricky (particularly if they are young) because you don?t want to scare them or make them paranoid. However, it is still okay, and indeed necessary, to teach your kids some of these basics. For example, make sure that your children know never to open the door for a stranger, and teach them how and when to lock doors and windows.?Make sure that they understand how to call 911, and that they should do so in the event of an emergency.
These lessons accomplish two goals: first, they protect your children in a very direct way, and teach them lessons that they will need to know in life. And second, they contribute to the overall security of your home, as many break-ins occur due to doors or windows being carelessly left open, etc.?
Anne Ellis is a professional blogger and a writer for HomeSecuritySystem.com. She writes on a range of topics dealing with home improvement and home security.
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NEW YORK (AP) ? Facebook's reach is wide but not deep. Few users surveyed in an Associated Press-CNBC poll say they click on the site's ads or buy the virtual goods that make money for it.
More than 40 percent of American adults log in to the site ? to share news, personal observations, photos and more ? at least once a week. In all, some 900 million people around the world are users. But many of them don't have a very high opinion of Facebook or trust it to keep their information private.
If Facebook the company were a Facebook user, it would have a lot of virtual friends but not many real ones, the poll suggested.
Users' distrust limits the value of the site's ads. Advertisers want to target their messages to the people most likely to respond to them. And the more Facebook knows about us, the better it will be at tailoring those ads to our interests.
Yet in the poll of U.S. adults published Tuesday, only 13 percent said they trust Facebook "completely" or "a lot" when it comes to keeping their personal information private. A majority, or 59 percent, said they trust Facebook "only a little," or "not at all."
Users' desire for privacy and Facebook's need to target advertising aren't necessarily opposing interests. Facebook doesn't expose information about its users directly to advertisers. Instead, it effectively accepts missions to deliver ads to groups of people, like "moviegoers" or "people planning trips to Europe." It's up to Facebook to figure out how to find those people.
But the company doesn't seem to be connecting very well. In the poll, 83 percent of respondents said they "hardly ever" or "never" click on the ads Facebook serves up.
The ones who did click through were enough to yield the company $4.34 per user in advertising last year. That's up from $3.07 in 2009. So the company is getting better at making money from its user base, but it has a long way to go to fill out the market capitalization of nearly $100 billion implied in its IPO pricing.
Google, another online advertising company that walks a similar line between ad targeting and privacy, makes more than $30 per user, per year. People also like it more. In the AP-CNBC poll, 71 percent of respondents had a favorable opinion of Google, compared to 51 percent for Facebook.
"Somehow Facebook still hasn't stumbled upon a model that's proven consistently successful for marketers, or that brings in the massive revenues to match the site's massive user base," Forrester Research analyst Nate Elliott said in a blog post.
The Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday that General Motors Co. plans to stop advertising on Facebook because the company has concluded that the ads are ineffective. The paper cited anonymous sources.
GM spokesman Greg Martin confirmed that the company doesn't plan to continue ads on Facebook, but said it will keep paid content on company pages that promote its products. He would not say why, but the company said it reassesses ads continually to measure how effective they are.
Debra Aho Williamson, an analyst at research firm eMarketer, said Facebook has plenty of opportunities to be a better link between advertisers and users. For instance, it can be more effective when it places an ad in a social context. People are much more likely to click on an ad if a friend has already "liked" it or if it consists of a comment a friend posted on the brand website, she said.
"This all fairly new and experimental. I don't think we've seen the full results of what adding social context means when it comes to the response to advertising," she said.
Advertising made up 82 percent of Facebook's revenue in the latest quarter. The rest came from the purchase of Facebook "credits" for the purchase of virtual goods, like cows in "Farmville" or chips in "Zynga Poker." But like advertising, this is a business that touches only a minority of Facebook users. Last year, 15 million users, or only 2 percent of the total, bought any credits at all.
If Facebook wants to help stores selling something other than virtual bling, it has to overcome skepticism among users first: The poll found that a majority of respondents, or 54 percent, would feel "not too safe" or "not safe at all" buying goods such as clothes or services such as travel from the site. Only 8 percent said they would feel "extremely safe" or "very safe."
The Associated Press-CNBC Poll was conducted May 3-7, 2012, by GfK Roper Public Affairs and Corporate Communications. It involved landline and cell phone interviews with 1,004 adults nationwide and had a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 3.9 percentage points.
___
Online:
http://www.ap-gfkpoll.com
http://facebook.cnbc.com
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William Balfour has been convicted, and Jennifer Hudson's family can finally get some closure. On Friday, a jury found the singer's ex-brother-in-law guilty of first-degree murder in the 2008 deaths of Jennifer's mother Darnell Donerson, brother Jason Hudson and 7-year-old nephew Julian King. Besides the three shootings, 31-year-old Balfour was found guilty of home invasion, burglary, kidnapping and possession of a stolen vehicle. Not surprisingly, he is facing life in prison.
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